Ambling Alps

Goodbye Gimmelwald!  This photo was taken on my last day.
Here's hoping I'll be back some day.

Yeowza!

So it turns out I was a bit too ambitious thinking I could update a blog while whizzing my ass around Europe for two months.  I've been home now for just over three weeks and I'm pretty much back adjusted to life in Vancouver, Canada.

The first week or so was a bit weird and surreal for me.  It was like I'd never left.  I took off on May 3rd and returned July 5th and everything back home seemed as if it just froze while I was away.  Nothing happened.  Everything is the same.  It was like I simply went to sleep on May 3rd and when I woke up it was the very next day, aside from the fact that the calender said July 5th. 

I'm happy to be back, no doubt about that.

Anyway, this blog now, instead of being a travel blog, will be more like a memories blog.  blog blog blog

I'll update randomly with random thoughts and photos about my travels in Europe.  There's still a lot to share and a lot to say.  Next post coming... NOW!

Sandals and Me

I have weird feet. They are wide and my toes are long. I'm also unable to move my baby toe on my own. Trying to find sandals I can actually wear and be comfortable in is proving to be an impossible mission.

The sandals I brought with me almost completely wore through so I had buy some new ones. I was desperate and bought the first sandals I came across, a pair of thongs, knowing full well I cannot wear thong sandals. I can't wear thongs because my toes are too far apart and they just fly off unless I'm making a concerted effort to keep them on my feet. Going up or down stairs in a pair of thong sandals makes me look like a child who has just learned to walk.

Realizing the thongs would be no good as I continue my journy I looked for and bought a pair of adidas sport-type sandals. These fit perfectly in the store. The next day however, not so much. Conveniently these sandals waited until I was sufficiently far from the hostel and began slicing into my toes. Then I got the blisters on the sides of my feet. Fuck.

My toes gushing blood I finally had enough and went all MacGyver on the things. Using my trusty Swiss army knife I cut the band across the top of the sandals to better fit my gnarled and mangled feet. Brilliant! Then I wake up today to find my baby toe on my left foot is bright purple and about twice the size it should be. And it hurts, a lot.

Walking from the hostel to the train station this morning, usually a 7-minute or so walk, took about 20 minutes. My toe looks like an alien's head and the nail is it's glaring alien death eyes or something. Basically if you're backpacking around somewhere, having a gimpy foot is the worst possible ailment you could have.

You know what would make me feel better about my foot? A medium pizza. All for me.

AAARGH!!!

The title of this post is meant to illustrate my frustration with being in a hostel that has actual computers for use and not internet terminals.  This is because I want to be able to share pictures in my updates rather than just ramble on with my crappy writing.  I was [ ] that close to buying a mini laptop in Munich a little over a week ago.  For 300 Euro I could have had one, which is about $500 or so, but I decided I'd better not.  That would give me four computers at home!

So a brief outline of what I've been up to.

After Paris I went to the Swiss Alps and then to Bern.  While in Bern everything was closed, so I didn't see much of anything.

Following Switzerland it was into Italy.  First Rome, then Florence and then Venice.  Florence is easily my favourite of the three.  I could have spent weeks in Italy, traveling to the coast, to Sicily and other places.  It's a very beautiful country with very odd people.  They are so laid back and relaxed and the entire country seems extremely unorganized.  I'll detail Italy more as soon as I can, including a write-up on Michelangelo's David, by far the best thing I've seen all trip.

After Venice it was to Munich, Germany.  Love Germany.  After the somewhat messiness and laziness of Italy, Germany was a big change.  Everything is clean, on time and to the letter in Germany.  The best part about Bavaria, where Munich is, is that beer is considered a staple food.  It's taxed the same as bread or milk or fruit.  This means, wherever you can eat a sandwich, you can drink a beer.  It's extremely cheap and the Germans love it.  Beer gardens and beer halls are the greatest places on Earth.  I would move to Munich.  Such a stark contrast to Canada where we consider alcohol a poisonous sin and you can only buy it from regulated vendors during limited hours and must consume it in hiding.

After Munich was Budapest, Hungary.  Awesome place but it was ridiculously hot.  It was so hot I found it difficult to do much of anything.  It was here I had to purchase baby powder to help heal my, uhh, diaper rash?  Chaffing sucks.

Vienna next.  Not much to say about Vienna.  A very nice city but also a boring city.  Also, stupid hot.

I'm currently writing this in Prague, in the Czech Republic.  Now this is an awesome city.  So much to see and do, everyone speaks English, the food is great and people are friendly.  It's really awesome that the World Cup is happening right now, in the same time zone as Europe no less, because it means there's something to do every single night.

Upon posting this I will be heading to the train station to get on a train for Berlin.  I'll be there five days as there's about a billion things to do.  That and I quite enjoy Germany.  Definitely my kind of country.  So, sorry for the boring post but I figured I'd better do something.

Broken Arm Epidemic

Updates on Switzerland and Italy are forthcoming but for now, a quick one.

The first thing I noticed when I got to Rome was the odd amount of people with down's syndrome around the area I was staying.  I concluded immediately that it was The Vatican's fault.  Makes sense.  The other thing I noticed was the amount of people with broken arms/wrists/hands/fingers etc.  I saw a few the first day and thought it was weird but as the days went on I continued to see an alarming amount of people with their hand or arm in a cast or sling.  Much like the church causing mental and physical disorders in people I thought this was due to crossing the street in Rome.

Rome is a chaotic city.  Many busy crosswalks aren't controlled at all and you basically have to take your life into your hands and just step out into the street and hope all the cars come to a screeching halt before slamming into you.  It's like Italy's version of BASE jumping or something.  So I concluded, in jest, that maybe all these people had had a nasty run-in with an Italian driver.

Then I went to Florence and the phenomenon continued.  There were people with broken hands and arms everywhere!  "This is ridiculous," I thought and I kept taking notice every time I saw someone in a cast or sling.

Moving on to Venice and the problem continued.  I counted five broken arms or hands on my final day in Venice alone. 

Somthing is happening to the Italian people.  Is it some sort of super virus, causing brittle arm bones?  Perhaps genetic engineering?  Aliens???  Whatever it is, someone needs to alert the proper authorities.  I'd do it myself but if you thought I was a procrastinator before you should see me now after having been around Italians for about ten days.

Does A Bear Shit In The Woods?

Yes.

And so does Steve.

So I went for a pretty decent hike yesterday and of course, according to Murphy's Law, I had to take a dump about half-way down a mountain, 45 minutes away from civilization.  I held it as long as I could but at one point it was made very clear to me that this crap was going to burst forth no matter what I thought about the situation.  I found an area off path, out of sight and away from the trail... Warning, the following pictures are graphic:













Ha!  As if I took a picture of my shit.  But seriously, I took a shit in the woods.  Luckily I had my notebook in my backpack and was able to rip some paper out of there to wipe with.  No paper cuts!  Up here in Gimmelwald, Switzerland, I truly became one with nature.

Gay Paris!

First off, let me say I enjoyed Paris far more than I thought I would.  Aside from all the French people it's a beautiful city with some amazing architecture.

May 17th - 20th - Paris
I got in fairly late because I'm a retard and didn't book a train ticket from London to Paris in advance, instead buying it the day before.  Besides costing 180 pounds sterling, the earliest train I could catch was at 5pm, which didn't get me into the city until almost 9, Paris being one hour ahead of the UK.  I did a quick walk around the neighborhood of my hostel but mostly sat in the bar drinking beer.

I managed a bit of a sleep in but woke up feeling like complete ass.  I had started acquiring a cold in Ireland and it hit me full force on Tuesday; sore throat, achy body, general lethargy.  After going to the train station to buy my ticket to Switzerland I head to the fountain at St. Michel as I was going on a free walking tour of the city at 1pm.

St. Michel kicking Lucifer down to Hell.  I'd rather rule in Hell than follow in Heaven too.

The free walking tour was put on by a company called New Europe that does tours in a bunch of cities throughout Europe.  It went for about 4 hours and covered a fair bit of the city.  Nothing too in depth but a good primer on the lay of the land and some history and interesting stories thrown in.

We went by Notre Dame, under the New Bridge, actually the oldest bridge in Paris, the spot where the legend of Friday the 13th being an unlucky day came about, The Louvre, the Champs Elysee and ended about 15 minutes from the Eiffel Tower, with lots of other places in between.

Left:  The gardens by The Louvre.  Right:  Chris when he doesn't shave for 3 days.

After the tour was finished I continued on to the Eiffel Tower where I climbed the stairs up to the second floor.  Some bitchy old American lady kept whining to her husband that she wasn't going to make it and how annoyed she was that he decided to go the stairs way instead of taking the lift.  It's about 500 stairs but come on lady, shut the fuck up, you're at the Eiffel Tower in goddamn Paris.

The Eiffel Tower in goddamn Paris

The view from the second floor of the Eiffel Tower, ruined by some ugly dude getting in the way.

The queue to take the lift to the very top of the tower, the only way to the top, had about 67,000 people in it, and what did we learn from my London entry and the London Eye?  Steve doesn't like queues.  So needless to say I said fuck it to that idea and didn't bother going to the top.  The view from the second floor was plenty awesome.

A word about tourist sites in Paris.  At all the major tourist sites in the city you'll find Middle Eastern and African men trying to sell crappily made souviners of Paris.  Think lime green plastic Eiffel Towers and Eiffel Tower keychains that are no doubt 87% lead.  These guys didn't bother me because I gave them the don't-fuck-with-me face.  On top of these guys there are scammers everywhere.  Gypsy women approaching tourists asking if they speak English and holding a piece of paper with some English writing on it.  What happens here is they get you deciphering the message for them while they or someone else picks your pocket.

From the Eiffel Tower I walked back to the Champs Elysee, Paris' main shopping boulevard, and up to the Arc De Triomphe.  The Arc is where the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier lies, along with the eternal flame.

The Arc De Triomphe and the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

At this point I'd been walking for a good 8 hours so I decided it was time to go back to the Hostel and drink more beer.  Mmmm, beer.  I know that in Paris one should drink wine but come on, wine kind of sucks.  Maybe in Italy I'll actually drink wine for a bit, we'll see.

The next day I got up nice and early and made my way to The Louvre.  There were two main things I wanted to see at The Louvre:  The Mona Lisa and the Venus Di Milo.  As in THE Mona Lisa and THE Venus Di Milo.  And see them I did:

Mmmm, gummy di milo...

The Louvre is pretty awesome.  First of all, it's huge.  It holds so many works of art; paintings, sculptures, statues... That it's impossible to see everything in just one day.  I spent about 3 hours there, getting the Mona Lisa and Venus out of the way first and then just wandering around.  I really enjoyed the Greek marble statues and the whole area showing pen and pencil graphic art from hundreds of years ago.  Leonardo Di Vinci pencil sketches?  Yes please.

 Ooh, a sculpture of a pretty woman.  Look closer:  She's got a dick, man!

After The Louvre I took myself to the underground catacombs, home of thousands upon thousands of skulls and bones; remains of people who died hundreds of years ago.  Basically, Paris had a number of mass graves around the city and decided that those locations could be used for further development.  So, they dug up the graves and took all the remains to the old stone quarry and lined the bones along the walls of the tunnels.  Super creepy and super awesome and super worth it.  Possibly the best place I visited in all of Paris.

  Pictured:  Maybe your great, great, great granfather.

And that's it for Paris.  A bit of a whirlwind tour through such a large and magnificent city but c'est la vie.  The next day I got on a train for Switzerland and here I sit, in the Swiss Alps in a town called Gimmelwald.