London Calling

A note about long airplane trips: They suck.  It doesn't matter how many movies they offer you (on this occassion I watched Shutter Island and Crazy Heart) flights are always uncomfortable and boring.

London - May 4th
Getting on the tube from Heathrow airport I was immediately amused by the terminus station of the Underground line I was on:  Cockfosters.  Every time the announcement came on, "This is blah blah blah line, en route to Cockfosters..." I giggled like the immature juvenile I am.  I found my hostel pretty easily and dropped my bags and went for a wander through Old London Town.  I hit Westminster, Soho, Camden and along Oxford Street, and more.  Jetlagged and tired I stopped for a pint and some British pub food in some random pub with a name like the Cat and Frog or Moose and Axe or something like that.  Jetlagged as I was I wasn't much able to enjoy my steak and ale pie with mashed potatoes and ended up leaving most of it on the plate.  I picked a random ale to sample and was surprised that it was bright green.  Of course, I forgot to bring my camera along on my first excursion into London so no photo documentation of this nuclear-coloured beer.

After this I had a short nap at the hostel, grabbed my camera and went to the British Museum which was right across the street from where I was staying.  The British Museum is goddamn huge with so many different artifacts and historical pieces it was impossible to see it all, especially since I was ridiculously tired.  One of the museum's best pieces is the Rosetta Stone:

THE Rosetta Stone.  If you don't know why that's cool, I suggest looking it up.

The British Museum has lots of statues of naked people.

After about an hour in the British Museum I could no longer handle my fatigue and retired back to the hostel for a massive sleep that lasted a good 14 or so hours.

London - May 5th

Up at 6am and out the door by 8:30 I made my way to the Tower Of London.  I took the free Yeoman Warder's (Beefeaters) tour which was awesome.  The tour guide's name was Dickie Dover.  I can't make shit like that up.  Mr. Dover was funny as shit and the tour lasted about an hour with him explaining the bloody and violent history of England.  The British, it seems, were really fond of executing people.

The Tower Of London houses, among other things, the Crown Jewels of England.  Unfortunately no pictures are allowed of the Crown Jewels but they were worth the price of admission alone.  Jewels and scepters and scepters with jewels and jewel encrusted jewels.

The Tower Of London and the hilarious Dickie Dover.

 

 

Left:  Look at that codpiece!  Whoever wore that suit was either hung like a goddamn horse, or that's the medieval version of buying a Corvette.

Right:  Where medieval men went to masturbate.

Following the Tower Of London I hit Tower Bridge, which is way more interesting and neat looking than the more famous London Bridge.

Crossing Tower Bridge I then walked all along the South Bank, along the River Thames, which is something like 4 kilometres.  I stopped at the Tate Modern art museum and quickly discovered I don't give two shits about abstract or 'modern' art.  10-minutes and I was out of there.  At the end of the South Bank is the London Eye, the giant ferris wheel which apparently offers incredible views of Lonon.  I say apparently because, unlike the British, I'm not a fan of queuing and didn't want to wait in line for 80 million years.  Maybe next week when I'm back in London for a day I'll go early and give it a whirl.  Get it?  Ferris wheel, whirl?  Good one.

Across the river from the London Eye is Westminster Abby and Big Ben.  At this point my back was stiff and in lots of pain so I didn't explore around here too long and just went back to the hostel for some rest.

In the evening at the hostel was a pirate themed party for one of the workers, Robyn.  Unfortunately I left my peg leg and eye patch at home so I didn't dress up.  The party was fairly low-key and I met some fellow Canadian travellers.  So far, every Canadian I've met has been from Ontario.  This is lame because Ontario sucks.  Later into the party a group of brown guys from either Canada or the US showed up.  They were, naturally, carrying a bottle of Crown Royal.  Ten bucks says they brought a crate so they wouldn't go through withdrawl.

London - May 6th

Buckingham Palace and the changing of the guard.

The changing of the guard is neat and all but it seems much ado about nothing to me.  The guards don't really do anything, they just stand around, sometimes they march, but mostly they stand around.  The whole changing was a grand spectacle and went on forever.  A parade of guards marches up to the palace with a brass band.  They then stand around for a bit while someone yells at them.  Then they march around some more and more yelling until finally the guards actually change.  Then the band plays on and on and on.

After this I went to Pickadilly Circus, kind of the Times Square of London.  Unfortunately the Circus is undergoing some repairs or something so I didn't take any pictures.  While here I went into a sporting goods store and bought myself a soccer.. No, sorry; football jersey.  Team:  Chelsea.  Player:  Drogba.

From here I continued walking to Trafalgar Square and went into the National Gallery.  If you're wondering why I keep going into museums and stuff it's because in London, they are free!  They actually have donation boxes around but come on, as if, right?  Anyway, the National Gallery is huge and contains many works of art from hundreds of years ago.  This kind of stuff I can appreciate; portraits, Bible themed paintings, landscapes.  I wasn't sure if I was allowed to take pictures, and I didn't see anyone else taking any inside, so I didn't.

When my dad went to London for business one of his favourite places for a beer and some food was the Sherlock Holmes pub, being a big Sherlock Holmes fan and all.  I managed to find the place and stopped for a couple of pints.

There's also a Canadian pub in London called The Maple Leaf that serves Canadian beer and Canadian food.  On this day they were showing the Canucks game from the following night so I watched the second period and drank myself a Moosehead.  Strange they didn't have Molson Canadian though.  Not that I'm missing Molson Canadian or anything but you'd think they'd at least have that.

Later in the evening I went to a theatre and watched Iron Man 2.  In England, at a movie theatre, you get assigned a row and seat number.  Naturally I was assigned, in an empty theatre, a seat next to a snuggling couple.  Needless to say I sat elsewhere.  Good movie by the way.

And today, the 7th, I was up early and on a plane to Dublin, where I sit now.  I've already had a Guinness and ate some sausages and mash in a pub.  Tomorrow I embark on a 7-day tour of Ireland that will take me around the entire country.  Killarney, the Blarney Stone, the Cliffs of Moher, Belfast... Fuck yeah.